You can never get enough of something you don't really want

My father loved german chocolate cake! I don't know if he had it the rest of the year, but it was a tradition for his birthday. For me it was cherry pie - my mom's cherry pie - and she made it for my birthday and (if I was lucky) Thanksgiving and Christmas too.

As much as my father loved that cake, I don't think he gave it much thought throughout the rest of the year. Unfortunately, I do think of cherry pie (and other sweets) at least a few times a day. I plan my driving route to work to swing past a Tim Horton's for a chocolate chip muffin, stop by Panera for a oatmeal cookie or grab a package of Pop-Tarts on my break at work.

The thing about all those sweets is how often they are just sort of "meh". They're not bad, but they're just not particularly good either. So the question becomes why do I continue to seek out things that I don't really enjoy?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Dr. Freud (that's not really her name, but you get the idea of who she is) said in a recent session that after a person who binge eats for years can become deaf to their own tastes and preferences. The proof of that can be seen as I frequently roam the aisles of grocery stores searching for something for dinner. I can be dead hungry with money in my pocket but no idea what I really want. It's hugely frustrating and in the past I have turned to things that either DH likes or the easiest thing I can think of.

Dr. Freud also talks about how my eating is a distraction from things that I find difficult to deal with. The part of my personality that feeds me all that extra food is trying to soothe a different part that has become activated and threatens my psyche. The result to all this eating is unwanted weight but I am saved from facing my own discomfort. It can seem pretty messed up, but these are coping mechanisms that I developed as a child and what seems illogical as an adult can make perfect sense to a kid.

The theory is that when I can face my own discomfort - deal with whatever emotion that comes up - there will not be the need for the distraction of all this food. I've been working on it for over a year and I'm making progress but there is a part of my brain that really wants to speed this process up. Tomorrow works for me.

Passing on the paczki

It's fat Tuesday - to which I've always thought

"it's Tuesday, I'm fat - big deal".

I was in my twenties before I ever heard of a paczki let alone tasted one. If you've never had the thrill that is a paczki, it's basically a Polish jelly doughnut. Around the Southeast Michigan area, paczki day is a pretty big deal. The Detroit area is home to lots of Polish immigrants (including my DH's grandparents) so the idea of eating paczkis on fat Tuesday was passed down through the generations.

Tomorrow morning people all over the metro Detroit area are going to show up at work and find a box (or several boxes) of these special treats. The paczki filled with lemon, raspberry or apple filling are some of the first to go. Employees late to the box will be left with fewer options including prune - which are everywhere but I've never seen anyone eat.

Along with that box of treats will come the usual conversations about the fat content of the paczki. The conversations that I've observed are accompanied by suspicious glances at the box of paczki - as though the doughnuts themselves might attack. I've never hear men engaging in this topic, but I suppose it could happen.

What amuses me is how the same people who scorn the "fat bomb" that is a paczki because is has 329 calories and 11 grams of fat, are the exact same people who will drink 500+ calories and 30+ grams of fat in a frozen coffee drink. (nutritional info courtesy of Daily Plate and Men's Health).

I've never been much for doughnuts so it's easy for me to forgo the paczki just like I've never liked coffee, so passing up frozen coffee is pretty easy. It's just a matter of preference - lately, my preference has been for blizzards from Dairy Queen.

Valentine's Day is a crock of chocolate

After being with the same person for nearly 20 years, February 14th just doesn't have the same sense of romance that it did when DH gave me a rose on our first Valentine's Day. For the last few years it's been little more than a kiss and a card - I'm okay with that. But even back in those early years Valentine's Day was never really about the candy for either of us.

Remember being a kid and everyone would pass out little Valentine Day cards to everyone in the class regardless if you liked them or not - I mean, you didn't give the really cute card to the kid who gave you the creeps but you at least gave him one, right?

Well, the collection of candy above is just a part of what awaited me today at work. I knew the people in my department were planning something like this, but I just thought that if I didn't decorate a cute little bag, with my name on it than ... well, no candy for me! Silly me. Of course they would include the new girl, they're a collection of really nice people. I only wish I had brought them something too. (Hello guilt)

But that's not all! Oh - no! There was a large pizza sized frosted chocolate chip cookie for the staff as well as several huge boxes filled with frosted cupcakes. And don't even get me started on the OH MY GOD good brownies in our office?

Now because I'm a logical person and my goals are clear to me, obviously I avoided all such temptation, right? Mmm....no. Sorry, I'm still human and chocolate is one of my favorite things. Did I mention the brownies?

Tomorrow - will be another day. Another chance to make better choices about what I eat/how I live.